Tuesday, 16 February 2010

Let me put my hands around your throat & gently squeeze you, dear!

I'm a person who, if she gets furious, acts in extremes. It's either black or white, there are no shades of grey.
If someone argues with me & hurts me, there are only two options, either I hit them in the face after using a few swearwords regarding their ancestory or sexual preferences & habits or I use the silent treatment and walk away. The latter happens mostly if the person is related to me. :D

Yet the fights don't happen often these days, I have been more peaceful for the last years, something no one from my childhood would believe if you told them. But I can get weird, if I have to.

Let's take a step back to late Summer 1993 for a moment.
When I was about 11, I went to a Gymnasium, there one day I asked a classmate from South Africa, what she thought about people who use the cold shoulder or silent treatment, she answered, that she believed the person who uses these methods must be heartless. O...'kay!?

Well, back to January 2010.
To be more precise, the 12'th of January. My mother is being... well she's being herself.
And we had a very huge fight. She won't listen to any word I say.
You see, in my mother's eyes to be a grown & knowledgable woman you have to be married, have at least one child, & must have build a house with your bare hands and/or on your own(everything she had done by the time she was 19, literally), then... and only then can you say something that she might actually listen to... might!

I was fed up and screamed at her, then it clicked inside me. I set up the big red-brick wall in my mind & left her standing alone in the dining room. Starting my silent treatment on that day.

Until today.
34 days no talking to her & not listening when she would talk with me.
And not eating if she did cook something delicious for me, and that one actually hurt me more than her huge ego!!! :D

Then, this noon I saw her lying on the couch in the sitting room, moaning in pain, she had been sick a few times since the morning... and my heart ached. *sniffle*
Father told me, that she refused to eat all day because she was afraid of getting sick again.
I made her eat something, I'm still mad at her mind you, but she had to eat!

It hurt seeing her like that, I just had to talk a little bit to her, though I did behave a bit gruff. I mean, at least I did try, right?
After all I wanted nothing more than to shake her, and pick up the argument where we left it last time, something along the lines of:"You *peep* woman, why won't you f**king listen to me!? *Peep* you & your *peep*'ing family's thickheadedness... *Peep*, you*re so *peep*... *peep* *peep *peeeeeeep*!"
But I didn't, instead I stuffed her face with food & made her some Camomile Tea! <3

Let's see what tomorrow brings, if she's being a thorn in the back as soon as she feels better, I might reconsider a new round of the silent treatment.

What I was trying to say is, I am not really heartless. I love her. But this woman just knows which buttons she has to push. And there are moments where I just ask myself if she does it for fun or something.

I have the slight feeling, this post makes me sound like a bad person. D:
Oops, it's 5:20am & I need at least 4 hours of sleep before I have to start the new project today.

Goodnight,
Nokta

Of course you get the next set of Stocks/Resources... download, use & credit properly, please!

Tsws 005
by ~PinkPanthress-Stock on deviantART
&

Truc-01
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4 comments:

  1. wow i'm alarmed at first when i read the opening remarks but upon reading the rest of yr post i can quite understand the issue, i had almost the same situation with my dad many years ago but parents are still parents, many a times they're of the views that we're not thinking of our own happiness, we do actually but in our own little way of course. Anyway my dear keep calm and if the situation is getting a bit heaty, just go take a short walk and return. Somehow i feel that yr love towards yr mother has never changed a bit ya, Take care my dear

    ReplyDelete
  2. It is difficult for the person to know oneself.

    Education, common sense, experience, expectation. . .
    For them, the human being makes a wall in oneself.
    It is very ironical.

    The human being may often forget one's positioning in space and the world.

    ReplyDelete
  3. @theBluesman - *lol* I'm not that bad. ;)
    You know what hurts me most, it's never about me in these fights, it's about her, my father & our family in general, she won't listen to me.
    Thank you, you're very kind. *hugs* I'll try to keep that in mind next time we start fighting!

    @ruma2008 - Yes, yes it is! :( Thank you for your words!

    ReplyDelete
  4. ....and of course i know that you're not a bad person either, it's just that sometimes it may not be worth the while arguing with parents, i found out about this too when i was a lot younger then but i've come to terms with it and just accept it as part of my life. Now that my dad has passed away for quite sometime already, how i wish that i had more time to be on a much friendlier terms with him, anyway that's life, we tend to miss it when they're no longer around us. So my dear be good & stay good eh.

    ReplyDelete

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