Friday, 10 June 2011

A minor Case of 'OYG-LePänic'!?

Holy Sh*te! Slighty less than 4 Months until my next Birthday. According to the Calendar.

Normally I do not like it, whenever people enter a certain stage of life and tell you, that they have not done all the things they should have done in the stage of life, which they just left.
I rather find it ridiculous & childish to be honest. Most of them have done it all, and even more so than they should have.

However... when I looked into the mirror last Monday, after I had looked into said Calendar, I realised how much I had not done.
Now a few might think,... yeah sure, another one of 'those' chicks.
-
BUT... I can say in good conscience, that I really never had much in my life. It always was, still is & most likely will always be... boring. Uneventful!

I am nowhere near, in my life, where I should be at my age.
I did not accomplish the things, which I planned to. (the worst part of this is, that I did not want to achieve that much in the first. Only a few small things.)

Not to mention a few other things, which I won't mention since they are too personal.
-
The only things, which I can claim to have really done, is that I managed to do nothing of real substance.
Dodging a few important tasks in the past years.
(attaining)No tiny bit of personal growth.
Of not having gotten any serious life experience.
Never had any great achievements.

Also I could never learn from mistakes, because I have never made ​​serious ones. I was not allowed to even do any!

First 'they'(my close Family) did not allow me to do a thing on my own. Later I got over-cautious and became (extremely) paranoid to even go and make mistakes. (Something for which I should be grateful according to them, but am definitely NOT. Because I feel deprived of life experience!)
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And what irks me the most? I was always held back from really living my own life, by each and everyone.
You know, like taking a deep breath... and to fully step knee-deep in to a huge piece of shit. All by myself! :)
To have fun, to be afraid of consequences. To learn which is good & which is not... et cetera... (sounds as if I was about to blame everyone else, which I am not. But it is the truth.)
-
I just do not feel comfortable with the idea that I have arrived at an age, where I do not really belong. (according to myself)
It is just too hard to accept for me, I guess. I feel like I am still an (very)early twentysomething.
-
*blergh* I do not like to tell so much of myself on the Internet, but I needed to write this down. I am feeling a little bit better, maybe now sleep will come more easily.
Also, I make myself sound as if I was 40+ or so... ah, I am such a wannabe Drama Queen!

Have a great Friday evening & Weekend you all.

Yours,
Nokta


And the first 2 resources/stocks after at long Hiatus. Download, use & credit!

CC-Pack
by ~PinkPanthress-Stock on deviantART
&

Big Red
by ~PinkPanthress-Stock on deviantART

8 comments:

  1. Happy Birthday to you Nokta!

    Don't be hard on yourself or on your family! We have little control on what we can achieve in life. It all seems to be a matter of Luck and Fate.

    So, enjoy every moment, the best way you can!

    ReplyDelete
  2. @DUTA - Sorry for the misunderstanding, but it is not my Birthday yet. 4 more months. ;)
    The real problem is, I realised soem stuff that really scared me. :D

    Still, thank you for those nice words, the lift the spirit!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm only a couple weeks past my last birthday and I know how you feel.

    ReplyDelete
  4. @Captain Dumbass - It is a shitty feeling, isn't it? :(

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hi sweet,

    it also totally blows my mind when my blog friends are able to share from the heart like you just did. For nothing in life is that serious, but when we share it out loud, and not worry about what others may think it is a risk, and life is full of risks.

    I grew up with a very strict mother, and she definitely sheltered me as long as she could, but I simply did what I wanted to do.

    Many years later I have my regrets, and I have my... "Yeah, you know, I really did that!" moments, and they are surreal, because living hurts, and wisdom comes hard.

    But if you have never ever made a huge mistake, then you have sooo much wisdom to offer others.

    And I love your friendship. You stay in touch with me, and as you know, I do show myself quite frequently on my site.

    It simply does not matter to me if someone does not like it when I contact them, or such. Sometimes it really hurts my feelings, but that is also okay. It is okay for feel pain, and embarrassment, and the stinging of a new tattoo...LOL

    Stay the course sweet friend, and I really appreciate how you wrote this post, and I can't wait the next four months for your B-day.

    ciao

    Jesse

    ReplyDelete
  6. @Jesse- Yeah, I was about to delete this post a thousand times before I went to bed in the end & just left it online.
    Normally I hate to tell such stuff about me, whether it is in real life to my family or close people, or on the internet.

    Everyone in my family was strict. My mother wouldn't even let me go to friends from school & such.
    So I feel like I had no real... I don't know what...

    So you think that if I never made a mistake, I do have wisdom? -I do not think so. I have a very hard time to talk to people & if the real shit hit the fan, I would be the first one to burn alive, 'cause I don't know a thing. :(

    Thank you for your friendship, this comment of yours was very kind!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hi sweetie,

    I have a tag, and an award for on my blog, I hope you will stop by and participate.

    Sorry about Wisdom. I was speaking from my personal perspective. I value our friendship, and care for you even though we are only internet friends. I feel I can open up to people better this way sometimes.

    So please come and get your award...

    with pure respect,
    Jesse

    ReplyDelete
  8. @Jesse - No, I am sorry. I did misunderstand you, and I didn't mean to 'sound' so harsh anyway in my comment. :)
    I do understand you, the net gives us some anonymity & it feels easier to open up to others... ;)

    And thnx for the award, I'm heading over to your blog right now.

    ReplyDelete

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