Holy Sh*te! Slighty less than 4 Months until my next Birthday. According to the Calendar.
Normally I do not like it, whenever people enter a certain stage of life and tell you, that they have not done all the things they should have done in the stage of life, which they just left.
I rather find it ridiculous & childish to be honest. Most of them have done it all, and even more so than they should have.
However... when I looked into the mirror last Monday, after I had looked into said Calendar, I realised how much I had not done.
Now a few might think,... yeah sure, another one of 'those' chicks.
BUT... I can say in good conscience, that I really never had much in my life. It always was, still is & most likely will always be... boring. Uneventful!
I am nowhere near, in my life, where I should be at my age.
I did not accomplish the things, which I planned to. (the worst part of this is, that I did not want to achieve that much in the first. Only a few small things.)
Not to mention a few other things, which I won't mention since they are too personal.
The only things, which I can claim to have really done, is that I managed to do nothing of real substance.
Dodging a few important tasks in the past years.
(attaining)No tiny bit of personal growth.
Of not having gotten any serious life experience.
Never had any great achievements.
Also I could never learn from mistakes, because I have never made serious ones. I was not allowed to even do any!
First 'they'(my close Family) did not allow me to do a thing on my own. Later I got over-cautious and became (extremely) paranoid to even go and make mistakes. (Something for which I should be grateful according to them, but am definitely NOT. Because I feel deprived of life experience!)
And what irks me the most? I was always held back from really living my own life, by each and everyone.
You know, like taking a deep breath... and to fully step knee-deep in to a huge piece of shit. All by myself! :)
To have fun, to be afraid of consequences. To learn which is good & which is not... et cetera... (sounds as if I was about to blame everyone else, which I am not. But it is the truth.)
I just do not feel comfortable with the idea that I have arrived at an age, where I do not really belong. (according to myself)
It is just too hard to accept for me, I guess. I feel like I am still an (very)early twentysomething.
*blergh* I do not like to tell so much of myself on the Internet, but I needed to write this down. I am feeling a little bit better, maybe now sleep will come more easily.
Also, I make myself sound as if I was 40+ or so... ah, I am such a wannabe Drama Queen!
Have a great Friday evening & Weekend you all.
And the first 2 resources/stocks after at long Hiatus. Download, use & credit!
CC-Pack by ~PinkPanthress-Stock on deviantART
Big Red by ~PinkPanthress-Stock on deviantART